Arranged Marriages - I do / I do not do ??

Believe me, my ancestors were real smart people when they started all this, its just the ones in the middle who messed it all up! When civilization started in the Dravidian world, people lived in small communities grouped by their occupation. So there were communities of farmers, merchants, fishermen and so on. The families within those communities were huge and close knit and everyone played a part in keeping the ball rolling. Naturally they preferred marrying within their community as it helped maintain the harmony.
There may have been exceptions (and not so good ones) that may have forced these "common sense marriages" to become rules. These rules then became baselines for the caste system.

And I believe thats from when my smart ancestors turned into dull rule following individuals.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not against rules... I'm just against following rules blindly.
And I'm sorry to say the "marryIntoTheSameCommunity" thingy doesn't seem to be working anymore!!! Before you label me as "the know it all" and move on to the next blog, spare a few minutes, read through the end of this and if you still feel I'm the "know it all", leave me a comment and tell me so.

Take Sam and Sandra for example... (of course I changed their names, people!) Sam's parents searched high and low to find a bride in their same religion -> caste ->subCaste (Oh yeah ... the drill down is sometimes 4 to 5 levels deep). It took them 3 years to find Sandra. Sam told us he agreed to marry Sandra because his parents were happy with the alliance. BS! The marriage happened and then it all unfolded...
Domestic violence.. uh huh.. can u believe it? His excuse? "She isn't smart enough, she doesn't get the way of life here, she is too dull"

OMG Don't you agree with me when I say "smart, intelligent and what not?" should have been on Sam's list instead of the "what's good for my parents should do for me" ???? Atleast Sandra would've been spared.

Well, I agree, Sam and Sandra are on one end of the spectrum... at RED. There are people like Pete and Peggy at GREEN , who do it the psuedo way ( you know, get their priorities in order, parents search for a bride based on those priorities, the would be-s talk and talk and take their time to decide and then get married) and then there are people like me at VIOLET who step in only when they are ready... theAbsolutelyNoCompromise ready!

Ofcourse not every color in the spectrum is blissful! If it were, life would be too dull and boring. For instance, if I had gone RED, my seeramolagu saathamuthu and mendiya kozhambu would have been appreciated more than the no intonation "yeah its good, ammini" but then what about my cynical wisecracks, and deep rooted sense of independence? I bet that would have caused a lot of friction!

As my sister always says, we need to choose our battles. For it gets too tiring fighting each and every one of them.

So unless and otherwise marriages are arranged based on the actual needs and aspirations of the bride and groom, Arranged marriages in this age are a definite "I do not do"!!!

Ani's second milestone

Time flies.. yet it feels so still at times. I've been to 6 places in the last 8 months but the pockets of void between the travels leaves me longing for more.
T'was a 4 day trip to DC. Ani's b'day celebrations covered more of the first 2 days. We had a gala time and never wanted it to end. The next day we went to the Udvar Hazy center and checked out all the cool fighter jets. I liked the "the stealth" the best and ofcourse we took a bunch'a snaps with the plane model featured in "Top Gun". ;) Well maybe we believed that if we stayed there just that much longer, Tom Cruise would pop out of the plane!

Anyways, the guys managed to round us up and get us back home in time for a steamy hot dinner. The last day was spent just sitting at home and overtaxing Bell's invention to say our byes to friends and family around there.

A bite of the Big Apple

Finally, after years and years of wishing and waiting, I visited New York!!! It’s my dream city and my trip has but only etched the yearning to live there, deeper in my heart. I love the vibrance the city exudes. What more can I say than “I love NY”.

Our plan was to fly to Philadelphia, meet Siva and Malar and then drive down to NY. But thanks to a delayed flight we were stuck in Detroit for the night. We boarded the first flight to NY the next morning and arrived to find that our baggage had landed in Philly!!! 

Thanks Northwest, for your prompt and accurate service.

But the little frustration over the lost (misplaced?) baggage could not dampen my spirits! We met Malar and Siva at the airport and drove on downtown. Siva kept pointing out every bridge on the way, telling me it was the Brooklyn Bridge and suggesting I strike that entry off my “Must see places” list!!!

We parked somewhere near the 46^th & 2^nd and walked down to the Grand Central Terminal. It reminded me so much of the Railway station in Chennai…ofcourse…. definitely a lot cleaner!!! We had lunch at an Indian food stall on the lower level (Café spice.. Malar and I had rumali roti with chicken tikka, Siva had biriyani and Jag had a combo meal) and then walked to the Ellis Island ferry ticket booth. 

There was a snake like Q winding along the whole place and after standing in line for about an hour we decided to opt out and board the Staten Island ferry instead.

So we walked down to the boarding area for the Staten Island ferry and saw the War memorial on the way. We had a good view of the Statue of Liberty and the Manhattan skyline. Once back, we headed towards Wall Street. We saw the Battery Park and the famous “Bull”. We took some pictures on Wall Street and then walked on to Ground Zero. Looking at the place brought back memories of the burning towers and it made me feel sad.

Our next stop was the Empire State building. After some photo ops we headed to Times Square. It was amazing! The lights and the life ….I can never forget. We dined at SBarro, shopped on Fashion Avenue (ok ok…. t’was at Kmart) and then headed back to the car. I was so tired it felt like my legs were threatening to break off. All said, it was a wonderful action packed day and all thanks are due to Siva and Malar for being our guides.

We reached NJ an hour past midnight and had a restful break at Sampath’s place. The next morning, Sampath drove me and Jag to Nalini’s home. It was very nice to see her after such along time and I am very glad we squeezed in that short visit in our otherwise tight schedule. We met Sundar Dinesh and Uma for lunch at AAchi’s and then just hung out at Sampath’s place watching Sathi Leelavathi for a couple of hours. Our next stop was Atlantic City. It was my first visit to a Casino and I enjoyed the glitzy feel of the place. We gambled at Trump’s Taj Mahal (tight fisted Jag only approved $27) and Bally’s and snacked on funnel cakes. After waving goodbye to Sundar and Uma, the rest of us drove on to Philadelphia. By the time we got there, I just had strength to admire Malar’s kitchen before curling up for a nice and restful sleep. The next morning (last day of our getaway) was very unlike the previous couple of days. We just stayed home and ate and ate…thanks to Malar’s egg +milk omelette: D, ishtu and veggie fried rice. On the way to the airport, we drove by Siva and Malar’s new home. It has a brick front and had a very nice and cozy look.

Later that day, we were back home with happy hearts and tired legs. Wow what a whirlwind of a weekend!!!

Honeymooning in the Bahamas…

Four months after we got married, we finally found sometime to “honeymoon”. I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland for my honeymoon. Being a crazy chocolate lover, I have always wished to take a photograph at the gates of Nestle` with my husband on one side and a big bar of chocolate in my other hand and caption it as “the Loves of my life”. Wishing for the photograph still remains, however I couldn’t make it to the Swiss for my honeymoon (Thanks to the limited vacation we lowly developers get!) Nonetheless we traveled to the Bahamas, the Grand Bahama Island in particular.

The 4^th of July and 2 vacation days along with the weekend gave us an opportunity for a wonderful 5 day getaway! We left in the wee hours of the morning and reached the Grand Bahama Island a little before noon, on the first day. The ride to the hotel (Port Lucaya Resort) took about 12 minutes from the Freeport airport (FPO) and cost us $20 (thanks to my bargaining skills we paid $5 lesser than what we were asked!) On reaching the hotel, check in took about 10 mins. After lunching on “ready to eat” meals, we compensated for the lost sleep and were ready to explore the new territory by 6pm.

Our first stop was at Le Mediterranean. Jag had the chicken penne' (special for the day) and I had the grilled snapper. Any entrée comes with a salad, some veggies (boiled carrots, broccoli and cucumber) and rice / French fries. I didn’t like the rice too much and would definitely suggest the “fries”. Dinner was great and filling. We walked around the Port Lucaya Market place and had a nice pleasant stroll on the white sandy beaches and witnessed the moon rise. It was nice to just sit back and enjoy the cool breeze and look out to the sea. On our way back we had a great time at the Count Basie Square with all the live dancing and entertainment by local bands.

We were a little late waking up the next morning, and that was when I had a good look at our room and the view from the deck. We had a “standard room” with a king size bed and a wonderful view of the yacht club. There were brown clay tiles on the floor, a small fridge, coffee maker and microwave in the room. The only disadvantage is that no shampoo/ conditioner are provided as part of the toiletries. Also, if u plan to cook / heat stuff with the microwave, remember to pack some utensils, spoons and plates as you only get two coffee cups with the room.

The hotel has a tour desk in their lobby (Executive Tours) and offer wonderful tour options. We were right on time for the SeaWorld Explorer – launch boat with a glass bottom on the lower deck. The captain and his aide took us to about a mile into the sea and gave us a tour of the coral reefs. Jag had his first snorkeling experience here! (I was too sea sick and couldn’t even hold my head up long enough to take a picture of him! Poor me!) I was so glad to be back on land when the tour was over. We lunched at Zorba’s (a Greek restaurant – Jag loved it for the white walls, tables and as he says “the clean look” – as for me I found the food and price good but didn’t care much about the ambiance). Later that day, went to the beach and had a nice time swimming – Ok Ok trying to swim - in the water.

On the third day, we arrived at the “Pine tree stables” in style! Yes, our taxi turned out to be a limo!! It was a day of firsts for us - a ride in a limo and later horse back riding! I felt a little squirmy when I first sat on the horse (Apollo) but started relaxing after a bit. We were taken on a tour of the nearby woodlands. Our guides pointed out the native trees and shrubs and some other land marks. We were also taken to the “Silver Pointe Beach” where the horses wade into the water. The tour as a whole was a new experience and we enjoyed every bit of it except for the sore backs!

We then went to UNEXCO and signed up for the Dolphin Experience. Here we were taken to a Dolphin enclosure and we touched the smooth backs of the Dolphin. It was a one of a kind experience but after a while I just got a little repulsive – Thanks to Jag touching the dolphin’s tongue! It was an eventful day and we were tired out by the time we reached our room. We floated in the big swimming pool in the hotel premises, had a sumptuous dinner and were asleep even before we wished each other “Good Night!”

On the last “whole” day of our vacation, we went on a tour of the Lucayan National Park. First we went kayaking through the mangrove. While setting out, our guide took us on a small detour so we could take pictures of the remains of the “Black Pearl” used in the Pirates of the Caribbean series. The ocean current was a little bit too strong for us and we tried to opt out. But our guide (Ben) towed us all thru’ the rest of the way! We were provided a light lunch and sometime on a deserted beach (Golden rock beach). I’ve never seen such clear sea water ever before in my life! It was amazing. We were then taken on a guided walking tour of the nature park and visited some clear water caves which the Lucayan Indians considered sacred.

That night (last night of our vacation) we dined at The Pisces - a very famous and extremely busy restaurant at the Marketplace. The food was nice but I felt it was way overpriced. Armed with a pizza for breakfast the next morning, we headed back to our room to pack and get ready for our flight home the next day.

The best thing about visiting the Grand Bahama Island is that immigration is done even before we leave Bahamas! On arrival at the airport, we checked in to get our boarding passes, crossed security clearance and completed immigration even before we boarded the plane. So when we got to the US, we could just walk out to baggage claim without the hassle of standing in line for clearance. I wish this could be made the norm for all international travels. I always find it difficult to keep awake and be coherent after a 22 hour trot around half the globe!

This was our first visit to the Caribbean and definitely not our last!

Points to Ponder:

1. Visa – US citizens and Green card holders do not need a visa to enter the Bahamas. Indian nationals on a H1B visa definitely need an entry visa. It takes less than a week to get one and costs around $55. You would need to fill out an application and mail it out to them with your passport and copies of some other documents.
2. Nassau is considered to be a little busy, Abacos very deserted and Grand Bahama Island a right mix of the two. There are totally 700 islands in the Bahamas…so have a pick!
3. Bahamian dollar is equivalent to the US Dollar and can be used interchangeably.
4. Being a vacation spot, everything is a little expensive on the island when compared to the US. So try to stock up on the necessities.

Aboard The Immigrant

My sympathies lie with my co-passengers. Our ship, The Immigrant, is at mid-sea with no green pastures visible on the horizon. Everywhere I look, I see the sea… the deep dark blue sea.

I’ve been been in this country for the past 4 years. Looking back, I realize that almost 60% of my time has been spent dealing with my visa issues. It all began when I walked into the Consulate in my home country to get a student visa.
A few days after landing here, I remember walking into a bank and asking for information to open an account. I was asked for my SSN. I had no clue what that was. I trudged back to school to meet my adviser and she gave me a “bonafide” as proof of my legal presence. Armed with it, I went to the bank again. I had to wait 90 mins and explain my “SSN” less situation to 3 people before I could open an account and deposit a check I had brought from home.
I heard that for the past 2 years, SSN’s are not issued to immigrants on an F1 visa. One would need to have a “job offer” letter in order to apply for an SSN while on an F1. I was probably among the last few to get my SSN before this rule came into effect. The government may have its reasons for bringing in this rule, what concerns me is “were the repercussions completely thought through?” Be it a credit card, electricity signup, bank account, apartment rental … almost anything and everything requires one to have an SSN. So, if it’s not issued to “certain” immigrants, what’s their alternative? Why aren’t these institutions aware of the alternatives?

Years have passed since that day at the bank but my sense of insecurity as an immigrant hasn’t reduced an iota.

Every time I hear a layoff is due, I fear so much. I know everyone does. But it’s the fact that it’s just not my finances but my very “remaining in the US” that I fear for the most! I have been asking around and I still do not have a concrete reply to “how many days do I have to both find another job and file for an H1 or leave the country, from the day I AM FIRED?” So when need to cross that bridge, it looks like I would have to deal with all these immigration issues and its different interpretations in addition to what any other person will be facing: Unemployment!

I can’t make any long term plans like buying a house without facing a 15% more on the risk factor than a citizen peer would face.

I’m not the first person on this well trodden path, its just that I loathe being here at this point where I’ve traveled too far to go back but too less to reach my destination.

It may just be my Capricornian self searching for a sure foot while scaling a steep slope but isn’t it what we all strive for, security, peace and contentment?

Yahooooo! I own a Yaris!

Twenty days after I started on my new job, I started searching for a car. My budget was 15k, option - financing. I called / emailed all the Toyota, Honda, Nissan and Suzuki dealers within 30 miles and asked for price quotes. I received 9 calls on an average everyday form these dealers. All in vain!
A month passed, then two. I was still "carless"(mind u there is no e!!!). Thanks to the folks at home, I always got a ride when I needed one.
And then it all started again. This time I had decided I only wanted to buy a "sub compact or a compact". So, I started off with the following on my list:
1. Yaris (Toyota)
2. Aerio (Suzuki)
3. Sentra (Nissan)
4. Accent (Hyundai)
5. Corolla (Toyota)
First I test drove the Yaris. Frankly I hated it! The AT was so sluggish and the car seemed to have no power at all. But the look and feel of the car was just too cool. Everything except the engine was great in the Yaris. But looks weren't just good enough for me at that point. I wanted to go zoom!zoom!zoom! and I knew the Yaris wouldn't help me there. So out went the Yaris. Four more to go...
Next I tried the Sentra. The 125HP engine felt good...especially after driving the Yaris... but there was nothing cute or great about the car. The interior and design was just "ok". Still the good price and power of the engine kept it on my list.
I couldn’t find an Accent to test drive. The local dealership didn’t have it. But the main fact that made me drop the Accent was its 110 HP. If the Yaris with 105HP was so bad, I was sure the Accent wouldn’t be any better. There goes another option.
Down to three now...
The Aerio. I really do like this car. It’s got everything in it. 155HP engine, climate control, AWD, 6 CD changer that plays MP3, power doors and windows, cruise control...u name it and Aerio has it..that too for a very cheap price. The few drawbacks were...the look and feel is not so good. The interior looks to be made of cheap plastic and doesnt have elegance; very less MPG. With the gas prices soaring and with very less resale value, I had no choice but to drop the Aerio.
So, that left me with the Sentra and the Corolla. I didnt want to buy the Corolla. It’s so boring!!! Nothing exciting about it. Come on man...I'm planning to buy my first car...Y would I want to buy a COROLLA??????
I was so dissatisfied. I didn’t even want to test drive it and when I finally did, I hated the Corolla even more because it was the best I had driven in the last few days. I had this bad feeling that I would end up with the Corolla. I returned home and reflected over the happenings of the last 2 days. ok..the Yaris didn’t have much power but everything else was great. The MPG was spectacular. Ya right ...what more could you expect from a small car with a 105HP engine...anyways... The Accent was OUT! The Aerio was great but I was not ready to end up with a "fully loaded" car that would drain my purse with the escalating fuel costs and give me next to nothing when I sell it in a few years. So the Aerio was OUT too! Hmm the Sentra...good price...but nothing interesting about it. The Corolla...everything nice about it...except the fact that I hated it! Don’t ask me why....
I just didn’t like it!
Hey wait a minute....if I am ready to compromise on my likes and dislikes and get ready to buy the Corolla...then Y don’t I just compromise on the HP and buy the Yaris? ooooooooooh....good thought...interesting....You know what...I'm buying the Yaris!
I shopped on the internet for a good price. I played one dealer's price quote against another and did all those cheeky things and finally got a good one!
It’s been three weeks to this day since I bought my car. Its great and I love it. For some reason...the transmission doesn’t seem so sluggish now...Looking back, I think driving my sister's Accord had spoilt me. I guess.. I got so used to the 250HP engine that I just couldn’t accept a less powerful car!
Anyways, My Yaris is true to her name...beautiful and elegant and more than everything...SHE IS MINE!!!!

Selling off my pet!

I bought my first car on April 21st 2004. T'was a Toyota Corolla '90 model. A perfect student car with dents, scratches, 156k miles and a good engine. The deal started and ended in 4 hrs. I was just walking into the ECS building at school when Pintwo called me. He told me the details of the car and that the owner wanted to sell it off by the end of the day as he was moving to Boston that night.
I had a look at the car, had Pintwo, Warrier and Mihir test drive it for me( I didnt have a license!) and closed the deal. The car stood idle, parked outside my apartment for about 11 days. I used to look at it and feel this kind of joy in my ownership. Its fun to recall the two days when Warrier, Bonnie, Anu and me used to drive to the DMV in the night and practise parallel parking. Poor Warrier, I really wonder how he managed to coach us all!!! Hats off to him!
Almost a month passed by the time I managed to get my license and really use my car. I enjoyed every moment of my mobility. MY car was termed the "UTD bus to Viewlocity". I almost went to every phase in Waterview to pick up a colleague before going to work. The car
was filled to capacity but still it never broke down on us even once. My "turn down the AC while accelerating" and "floor the pedal" acts were always the topics of conversation and fun during those 12 minute rides.
We shared a special bonding, me and my car. Its has seen me cry my heart out, laugh my head out and most importantly it gave me those precious 10 minutes of content and happiness almost every night when I used to drive through Waterview Parkway and just sink in the calm
and serenity of the place.
I'll always remember you my pet and hope you turn out to be just as lucky for your next Owner, as you were for me!