Believe me, my ancestors were real smart people when they started all this, its just the ones in the middle who messed it all up! When civilization started in the Dravidian world, people lived in small communities grouped by their occupation. So there were communities of farmers, merchants, fishermen and so on. The families within those communities were huge and close knit and everyone played a part in keeping the ball rolling. Naturally they preferred marrying within their community as it helped maintain the harmony.
There may have been exceptions (and not so good ones) that may have forced these "common sense marriages" to become rules. These rules then became baselines for the caste system.
And I believe thats from when my smart ancestors turned into dull rule following individuals.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not against rules... I'm just against following rules blindly.
And I'm sorry to say the "marryIntoTheSameCommunity" thingy doesn't seem to be working anymore!!! Before you label me as "the know it all" and move on to the next blog, spare a few minutes, read through the end of this and if you still feel I'm the "know it all", leave me a comment and tell me so.
Take Sam and Sandra for example... (of course I changed their names, people!) Sam's parents searched high and low to find a bride in their same religion -> caste ->subCaste (Oh yeah ... the drill down is sometimes 4 to 5 levels deep). It took them 3 years to find Sandra. Sam told us he agreed to marry Sandra because his parents were happy with the alliance. BS! The marriage happened and then it all unfolded...
Domestic violence.. uh huh.. can u believe it? His excuse? "She isn't smart enough, she doesn't get the way of life here, she is too dull"
There may have been exceptions (and not so good ones) that may have forced these "common sense marriages" to become rules. These rules then became baselines for the caste system.
And I believe thats from when my smart ancestors turned into dull rule following individuals.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not against rules... I'm just against following rules blindly.
And I'm sorry to say the "marryIntoTheSameCommunity" thingy doesn't seem to be working anymore!!! Before you label me as "the know it all" and move on to the next blog, spare a few minutes, read through the end of this and if you still feel I'm the "know it all", leave me a comment and tell me so.
Take Sam and Sandra for example... (of course I changed their names, people!) Sam's parents searched high and low to find a bride in their same religion -> caste ->subCaste (Oh yeah ... the drill down is sometimes 4 to 5 levels deep). It took them 3 years to find Sandra. Sam told us he agreed to marry Sandra because his parents were happy with the alliance. BS! The marriage happened and then it all unfolded...
Domestic violence.. uh huh.. can u believe it? His excuse? "She isn't smart enough, she doesn't get the way of life here, she is too dull"
OMG Don't you agree with me when I say "smart, intelligent and what not?" should have been on Sam's list instead of the "what's good for my parents should do for me" ???? Atleast Sandra would've been spared.
Well, I agree, Sam and Sandra are on one end of the spectrum... at RED. There are people like Pete and Peggy at GREEN , who do it the psuedo way ( you know, get their priorities in order, parents search for a bride based on those priorities, the would be-s talk and talk and take their time to decide and then get married) and then there are people like me at VIOLET who step in only when they are ready... theAbsolutelyNoCompromise ready!
Ofcourse not every color in the spectrum is blissful! If it were, life would be too dull and boring. For instance, if I had gone RED, my seeramolagu saathamuthu and mendiya kozhambu would have been appreciated more than the no intonation "yeah its good, ammini" but then what about my cynical wisecracks, and deep rooted sense of independence? I bet that would have caused a lot of friction!
As my sister always says, we need to choose our battles. For it gets too tiring fighting each and every one of them.
So unless and otherwise marriages are arranged based on the actual needs and aspirations of the bride and groom, Arranged marriages in this age are a definite "I do not do"!!!
